I am depressed 99% of the time and I feel a glimmer of happiness once-a-month at most like a carrot being dangled in front of me and being pulled away before I can grab it.. I'm relieved that I can still cry honestly, cause otherwise I would just be bitter and bored constantly.

I am grateful about my boyfriend though. I hope I can see him soon.

I usually have something thought-provoking for my frontpage post, but this time I don't have much to say. I'm genuinely sad this holiday season, even bitter if I'm being honest, despite that though I still have persistence in overcoming all of this; being good despite my evil nature. Currently though, I feel hopeless, but I'm still doing my best and won't beat myself up for it. I'm allowed to be sad and bitter right now, and I have every right to be. No longer pretending.

holiday spirit is 100% gone and I probably won't get it back for a very long time.

and that's precisely why we are here; we were made for this world.

It's legit starting to make me feel good instead of guilty like in the past.

You can't truly love others until you learn to love yourself as well. You're a person too; be kind to that person.

A video game a longtime friend of mine has been working on. Give it a play and provide feedback!

I wrote the main menu music, co-wrote the level clear theme, and did the voice of the narrator.

https://softhornet.itch.io/chemandos-demo

Every small action you make affects the whole story. Make sure they are good ones as often as you can.

Even though I do have trouble processing stuff positively currently due to mental issues correlating with my reward system, I am truly grateful to the people that enjoy my stuff. It's not really about fame or notoriety at this point for me, but more about giving people the same kind of feeling that music composers used to give me when I was younger.

I won't lie in saying that I also do have a goal in making money at some point even though I hate money just for the necessity of living and eventually moving to live with my long-distance partner whom I love dearly so I can start a new life with him, collaborate together as musicians, and maybe even finally getting the proper treatment for my condition through a better environment and more well-trained doctors; we'll see what the future holds.